Elementary~1st Grade

I’ll never forget the first day of first grade. The teacher, who scared the shit out of me with her crackled voice and wrinkled face, wrote 3 letters on the board.

C A T.

“Who knows what this says?” Almost every single hand shot up.  I sat pathetic and lonely in their shadows. The teacher called on the kid sitting next to me who confidently answered “Cat”. “Very Good” she replied. And that was it. That was the moment I birthed a very common idea.

“My parents are assholes!”

All this time they had told me how smart I was, but I couldn’t even spell cat! And yet,  the doody head sitting next to me, who smelled like pee and looked like a retarded Dennis the Menace, could spell it??? Bull shit. Bull. Shit. At first I was pretty disappointed in myself. But then I realized that this wasn’t MY fault! I marched straight home that day and demanded to know if my mother knew how to spell cat. And she did!

That bitch!


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