Elementary School~3rd Grade

3rd-grade-Rachel was so fabulous. I smoked candy cigarettes and sang rebelliously to Janet Jackson’s “Control.” I was pretty sure I would marry one of the New Kids on the Block. And I had a friend who was a couple of years older than me. Nikki taught me my first dirty joke and explained what all the dirty words meant.

This was the year I decided I needed a total life makeover. I met a new girl in school and told her my name was Rachel, but my friends called me Rhonda. No one called me Rhonda.  And neither did the new girl who said to me, “Um. No. I think I’ll just call you Rachel.” Hmph!

I also decided I needed a career. So, one rainy day during in-door recess, I told a group of “friends” that in California, I was a very famous model. I’m in magazines and on t.v. shows, but only t.v. shows that you could see in California. Only one friend asked for proof, and so it was decided my parents were making me quit the biz so I could concentrate on my schooling. They must have realized the very importance of 3rd grade.

By the end of 3rd grade, Fabulous-Rachel kinda sank away. I was no longer a model…no one called me Rhonda…I was pretty sure I’d never marry a New Kid. But, I did finally understand what it meant for a man to put his hose in a woman’s garden. 🙂


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