I’ve decided to start fighting crazy with crazier!
I spent the last couple days listening to children crying and whining and moaning and groaning and grumbling and rumbling and tumbling and stumbling and fumbling and…okay…I’ll stop.
I’ve said “NO!” about half a million times and it’s always followed with my screeching, “I said NO!” Today alone I told my son to get dressed 7 times, pick up his toys 12 times, finish his dinner 5 times, and go back to bed 32 times. I have to tell the one-year-old “NO!” all day, but that’s not all. Every time I stand up, she runs to my knees, crying. Every time I sit down she runs to the couch, crying. If I go to the bathroom, she bangs on the door, crying. If I step outside, she falls to the ground and cries and spasms and snots all over the carpet!
I’m done. I AM DONE!
I never want to hear the word “MOM” ever again. Or the sentence, “HEY MOM”.
Or “Can I…”,
or “WHY NOT?”
ALL OF THEM ARE BANISHED FROM THIS HOUSE!
So today with the baby clinging to my legs, crying her pretty little eyes out b/c I put her down after holding her and bouncing her and dancing with her for 2 hours, I stood before my son, who was only in his underwear kicking and screaming, (actually physically kicking and screaming!) because I told him to put his blanket in his room and get dressed, and… I just went… a little…bonkers.
At the top of my lungs.
My head back and eyes closed.
I sang, “The Greatest Love of All” by Ms. Whitney Houston. And like most people who have tried singing this particular song…it did not sound good. No one BUT Ms. Whitney Houston should sing this song…ever! But it was nice and loud and totally drowned out the sound of those little heathens.
From the very first belt, “I believe the children are our future…” I felt empowered. I tried to believe in those words and NOT the words in my head that were telling me these children were the spawn of Satan!
Their little terrified looks only encouraged me to continue. I smacked my chest, “I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadow…”
The baby ran to her brother. He wrapped his little arms around her and they cowered in the corner. I raised my fist to the sky. “The great-est love of ALLLLLLLLLLLLL is easy to achieeeeeeeeeve….”
I fell to the floor and sang into their petrified faces, “Learning to love yourself. It is the greatest love of all.”
Breathless and yet so satisfied I took a bow, went to the fridge, and made myself a cocktail.
Go ahead and call it bad parenting. I don’t care. I have friends who read parenting books and I know what they’ll tell me those books say.
“You really shouldn’t lose your cool like that.”
Well…you know what…bite me. If I didn’t sing the most uplifting and encouraging song I know, then I would be spouting the most horrifying and vulgar sentences I can put together!!! (and I know vulgar! I used to work at a Waffle House!)
The kids looked at each other, looked at me, and my son says with the sweetest quivering voice, “Okay Mom. We’ll be good.”
I snuggled my little darlings and told them that they are the greatest love of all. And while my son, fully clothed, quietly played with his Lego’s, and my little girl, not clinging to me, played with her baby doll, I finished my cocktail and thought, “Eat my shorts, Dr. Phil.”