I found myself in another doctors office…another exam room…but still freezing and nervous. Unlike the last doctor, this one had magazines actually IN the exam room. Cool. I sat reading Elle…well, actually I was just looking at the pictures and wanting everything I saw…when I came to an interview with John Cusack.
John Cusack! Oh that cutie-petuty. He’s one of those actors I just love and think it would be fascinating to sit and have lunch with one day! But, I’m sure if said lunch would be set up, I’d end up making a fool of myself by calling him a cutie- petuty to his face.
Anyways, I begin to read the interview and realize I won’t have time to finish it. Oh but I really wanna finish it. Then a voice that sounds like me (but not really) whispers, “Steeeeaaaaal it.”
I jump. “What?!?!”
“Riiiiiiiiiip it oooooooouuuuuuuut.”
“Rip it out of the magazine? Is that allowed?”
I decide not to…but…man…I’d really like to finish it. I justify stealing the interview by thinking, “It’s probably an old issue that they’ve had lying around forever. No one will notice it’s missing.” But the front cover reveals it’s the December 2010. That’s still kinda new, I guess. But before I talk myself out of it, I fold the page in half and pull.
I stop tearing. It’s then that I realize the doctor’s office is really really quiet. There’s no music playing over head or anything. I stop and listen to the sound of my breath. I then can hear the doctor outside talking to the nurse. I don’t have much time. To block out the sound of the paper ripping, I decide to cough as loud as I can while ripping it out.
I underestimated the strength of the Elle magazine paper. What began as a little cough, ended up sounding like I was hacking up Slimer from the Ghostbusters! But I would NOT give up! Slowly, inch by inch and bark by bark, I removed the paper from the bind. And just when I thought I was going to get away with it, the doctor came in. “My that’s some cough you have.” I practically threw the evidence off my lap and mumbled, “yeah, it’s going around, eh?”
I came home a tiny bit defeated and a little embarrassed by my thievery. Especially when I checked online and found the exact interview free and easy. Damn you, Internet! Damn You!