Humor · kids

Five-Year Old Lessons

My five-year old son teaches me so much about life and love and myself.  Here’s a few examples of things he has taught me just this week…

While sitting in front of the t.v. trying to watch the same damn episode of Spongebob that we’ve seen a million times, Tommy turns to his loud crying sister and says, “Excuse me, can I get a little piece of quiet, please?”

The Lesson: If I remind him to use his manners enough (only 500 times that day, but whose keeping count?), he WILL eventually get it…even if he doesn’t get the rest of what he’s saying correct.

On the way home from preschool he tells me, “Mom, I’m in love with Aubrey. She’s so chill.” When the hell did my son begin talking like a Real World/Road Rules asshole?

The Lesson: Cancel MTV immediately.

Tommy struts in wearing a white muscle shirt with a green and black flannel over it, a pair of black and white soccer shorts and cowboy boots. He asks, “So Mom…do I look bon appetite?”

The Lesson: Um…I need to watch less Food Network and more Style Network

Suddenly, during dinner, Tommy stands on his chair and pats his dad on the head. He then sits and whispers to me, in that wonderfully loud way children whisper, “I just used Daddy’s head as a napkin!”

The Lesson: Hell, I dunno. Always make sure Tommy has a napkin? Or just don’t ever let him touch you. The kid is constantly filthy!

And that was this week in 5-Year-Old Lessons!

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2 thoughts on “Five-Year Old Lessons

  1. Rachel, really. These are things that people would LOVE to sit down and read on a Sunday morning. We all just laughed our asses off. Pick your best ones, copy them and send them to mags. I mean it. You need to be out there big time. You are every bit as good as Bombeck and Stewart. DO IT!

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