Humor

Use Your Illusion and I’ll Use Mine

Every now and then, I need a bad ass surge. I’m quite aware of my none-bad-assness. I would dare to assume if bad-assness was ever evaluated and labeled I would be labeled a snail. And not Gary, cause, well Gary the Snail is very bad ass. I would be called the least like Gary snail on a bad ass scale.

So what’s a lame snail to do when she needs to feel a tiny bit cool? I like to listen to Guns ‘n’ Roses while doing every day tasks.  Scoff if you like. Roll your eyes. Point and laugh. I don’t care. Because I know that back in the day Guns ‘n’ Roses was the baddest-ass band ever. And I know no matter how you feel about them now, you still do love them. I love them! And that’s why I choose them. Specifically, that’s why I choose Welcome to the Jungle as the soundtrack to my morning. I may just be getting cleaned up and dressed, but GNR (that’s how bad ass people refer to Guns ‘n’ Roses) makes everything I do that much cooler.

“Washing my face cause pimples are assholes. YOW!”

“Brushing my TTTTTTTT Teeth, teeth!”

“Cherry Chapstick on my lips, bitches!”

“Puttin’ lotion on. Gonna smell like Mother Fuckin’ Cotton Blossom today!”

Yep, by the time I’m finished getting ready for the day, I’m feeling like the The Shit! Watch out world, here comes Rachel. Gonna kick some ass and take some names cause I ain’t puttin’ up with nobodies shit today. You got something to say to me? Fuck that! And Damn the Man!  I’m a bad-ass woman and I’m gonna do what I want when I want for as long as I want to do it and ain’t nobody gonna get in my way! Yeah!

Then I step out of the bathroom and the song on my Ipod changes.  “Same Old Lang Syne” by Dan Fogelberg. Can’t really bounce back from that one. I flip back to normal Rachel; wife, mother, wiper of butts, baker of cupcakes, puter away-er of  laundry. It’s just as well. I don’t think the world…or my family…or my friends could handle bad-ass Rachel. But at least I got to see her for a quick minute and am reassured she still lives inside me.

Rock on!

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2 thoughts on “Use Your Illusion and I’ll Use Mine

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