I think I’m getting robbed right now. I don’t know for certain. All I know is I can hear someone moving around in the front part of the house. It’s 6 a.m. and I am not about to get up and find out. If it’s my husband, it means he’s running late for work and he’ll be cranky. Why start the day bickering with him? If it’s a robber I really don’t wanna interrupt and get him all pissed off at me. I’ll just stay in bed. Half comatose. But then I start thinking, “what if it really is a robber?” This thought causes me to throw the comforter over my naked toosh. I suppose I’m hoping the robber/possible rapist will glance in my bedroom, see me completely covered and think, “No way I can penetrate the power of that comforter. Better just take the silver and go.” But then it gets hot under the comforter (which is why my butt was hanging out in the first place!), so I snake my leg out. Much better. The robber/ possibly my husband moves to the kitchen and I hear him open the fridge. What? Is he going to take my silver AND help himself to my left over pasta? Bastard. Still not enough to get me out of bed though. I doze off…or at least I think I do. The next thing I hear is the sound of the side door closing. “Well that’s nice.” I think, “Good to know my thief was not only NOT a rapist, but was also NOT born in a barn!” Must be sure to tell the police later when I call. Once again, I doze and wake up 30 minutes later. This time I have no choice but to get up cause I have to get the kid up for school. First thing I notice is the t.v. is still there. That’s a good sign. After a quick stop to the bathroom (where I notice the thief also missed my jewels) I check the china cabinet to make sure he didn’t get away with my silver. Then I remember, I don’t have any silver. Next stop the fridge, where I discover my untouched left over pasta. Yes! I got robbed by the worst thief ever! He didn’t take any of the good stuff! What a great way to start my day! Finally I make it to my sons room, but he’s not in there. And his sister is not in her room. They’re both missing! The thief took the kids?
Score! Free Mommy day off!!!! Holla!!!