Grumbles · Humor · Uncategorized

A Rose is a Rose is a Whatever

What does it mean when you can’t keep a flower alive? Am I impatient? thoughtless? Not nurturing? Each of these are probably a little bit true. But, I think it’s just a matter of disinterest. I mean, I always remember to feed and water the children so I can’t be all that bad.

This is my husbands fault. For Mothers day, he got me a beautiful…um…I dunno what it is. Pink Flower/bush thing. It was very pretty. But, he knows I’m not a flower person. Unless it’s cut flowers. Those I can keep alive for at least a week and a half! But flower-flowers that I have to water and put in the sun and sing to? I was less than enthusiastic about this gift. Part of me wanted to say, “Dude. Really?”  The other part of me decided to take the challenge. I WILL KEEP THIS FLOWER THINGY ALIVE, DAMN IT! Nearly 3 weeks later, it looks like this! FAIL!

I can’t blame my husband too much, I guess. He comes from a family of growers. Especially the women. Every Memorial Day they huddle together and discuss their gardens and flower beds. I sit quietly sipping my soda while they suddenly start speaking in a whole other language.

“My Hoobahobbas  are coming up nicely.”

“You should see my Cobra Kai Otheums!”

“I thought for sure the rain was going to kill off my Humming Bird Twats.”

Suddenly it’s my turn to talk. All I can get out is a quiet mumble. “Yellow flower smell good.”

Truth is, I would love to have a beautifully landscaped yard with pretty flowers and little colorful trees all around, but it’s just not gonna happen.  I don’t have a green thumb. I have a blue thumb. Plants come around me, get depressed, and kill themselves! Fortunately, I have better luck with people! Actually, if I’m being honest…well, never mind.

I’ve decided though, I am not going to be too hard on myself. Thing is, I’m too busy for that whole horticultural lifestyle. There’s so many steps to take and rules to follow.  God forbid I mix my Naked Ladies with my Sweet-Williams. Oh the scandal! (And yeah, I had to Google those flowers. To my surprise, I have Naked Ladies popping up in my yard every summer!)  Instead, I’m just going sit back and enjoy the little low maintenance gifts that Mother Nature has blessed me with this day.

Dandelions.

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10 thoughts on “A Rose is a Rose is a Whatever

  1. I believe you pink flowery bush thing is a hibiscus plant. They are usually pretty low mantenance as long as they have some morning sun and you don’t forget to water! 😉

    1. No Jessica…I’m pretty sure this is the mysterious Hulie-conky plant. It needs exactly 4.2 hours of sunlight and 3 tablespoons of water every 33 minutes. If it were a Hibiscus, certainly I could have kept that alive. Right? RIGHT? 😉
      Thanks for reading!

  2. Lol. Your pics always make me laugh. I have this plant that is amazing. It is a type of corn plant (not food corn- just the name- this one is poisonous)I love it because it is practically no maintenance. And many times even with the no maintenance, I still manage to semi kill it- sometimes it looks like the leaves are all going to fall off. But it stands up tall again and grows real nice. It is a plain tree like plant. No flowers for me.

    1. Maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong. I’m trying to work with flowers when really I should be working with trees. A corn plant with no corn? That’s exactly what I need! 🙂

      Thanks for reading!

  3. You could always plant fake flowers in your yard! You won’t have to water them, or make sure they get the right amount of sun (or lack of in some cases), they will never die, and if they start looking dull, you just wash them up, and paint them! You don’t have to pull them up for winter cause they won’t die! Heck you could even have flowers that can’t grow in Ohio! I think it’s a wonderful idea!

    1. I thought this was a GREAT idea. I ran it past Steven who looked at me like I was crazy and said, “I knew I shouldn’t have married you.” Hahaha! I’m only kidding!!! But he stopped me before I headed to Joanne Fabrics so I guess that’s a no. That Steven…no imagination whatsoever. Thanks for the idea, though Katie!

      1. Oh you don’t have to go to Joanne’s to get flowers, you go to Forest Hill and take them off the graves..hey it’s free that way. Do it at night though, and I would plant them at night too, I bet Steve would never notice you had fake flowers, he’s a guy! Just make sure to bring a bag to put the flowers in after you take them from the grave because they are close to the ground and may have bugs and ants on them.

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