Humor · kids · Marriage · Motherhood · parenting · SAHM · sex

Do New Parents Ever Have Sex Again?

This morning my husband woke me with a snuggle and started nibbling my ear. I was in to it for about 3 seconds, and then I remembered the baby. My eyes popped open and I nearly dislocated his shoulder when I threw his arm off me.

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!” I screamed like a banshee from Schizo City, “JACK DIDN’T WAKE UP! OH MY GAWD!”

I scrambled out of bed, stepped on the dog, ran into the door knob (which left a big ol’ red mark on my hip!), and flew (quite clumsily, I might add), to the bassinet where the baby was breathing. He had slept from 11pm to 7am, the longest he has EVER slept, and instead of being content and refreshed, I was manic and a little pissed off.  I stood above him, gasping for air. “Damn it!” I thought. “Thank God, but still…damn it!”

I sheepishly returned to bed where my poor husband was rubbing his bruised arm. “Jacks still breathing.” I mumbled.

“I know. I checked on him right before you went bat shit crazy.”

“Oh. Sorry about that.”

So, do new parents ever have sex again? Yes…eventually…with a little creativity and patience…and not too horribly long after they’ve both forgotten that wacky time when one went psycho and the other lost an arm.

Thanks for reading!


11 thoughts on “Do New Parents Ever Have Sex Again?

  1. As a parent of two…one day you will have sex…just lock and bar your door, as your child will know, no matter what they were doing, that YOU are doing something that they have to interrupt. 🙂

    1. That’s sound advice. I actually have 3 kids and the last time we tried, my 6-year-old came to the door and yelled, “Are you having smoochie-smoochie time?” He then started singing to ‘set the mood’. Strangely enough, it didn’t work. Better luck next time I guess. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

  2. Hahaha. This was too cute. Seriously, I don’t know when new parents have sex again, all I know is that when my girl was born, I wanted to get it on way before the doctor gave the okay. We waited, but tried other things to relieve the pressure 😉 I can totally see how some women get pregnant again right away though.

  3. My cousin does NOT have conjugal relations with her hubby…in fact her 2 biological kids were immaculate conceptions!!

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