Humor · kids · Motherhood · parenting · SAHM

September on my Mind

Holy crap, is it really October?!?! Man September flew by. I hardly blogged, but don’t recall being too terribly busy. Let’s see…

I had a rash. I’ve had it since Jack was born 5 months ago. It’s not really a rash, but more like a break-out of hives every night. Itchy mosquito-bite looking hives. I’ve never had hives before so I was quite certain it had to be some form of skin cancer. But, thank God for webmd, cause I self-diagnosed myself with some big medical word for hives. I also went on a couple of websites and found it’s not too uncommon for women to have hives after pregnancy, but no one could tell me how long they last. One woman mentioned she’d gotten a prescription anti-itch cream from her doctor and it cleared right up! So, high-ho, high-ho to the doctor I go. I never want to insult the doctor by saying, “Hey I just did your job by sitting on the computer for 30 minutes.” So I try to be all swift when she tells me to take some Zyrtec. What? No prescription anti-itch cream? Alright well let me tell you about my friend. “See, my friend Ina…Ina Net…she got hives like this and was given a cream.” “No,” Dr. Meany-face tells me, “Zyrtec should do it.” But I’m happy to say the Zyrtec actually worked! I just had to check the price of that stuff and said, “Holy Moly. Screw that, I’ll live with it!” and 2 days later the hives were gone. Miracle of modern cheapness!

What else did I do in September? Oh! I read a book! And no, not my son’s cub scout manual. It was an actual book for big people. I mean adults. The Help. I really enjoyed it. But I had a hard time not talking like Aibileen once I put it down. So, sorry to all those people I may have offended and to all my friends who thought I might have had a stroke. It really is a good book, though. Much better than the movie if you can believe it.

I also got a nice history lesson from Tommy. He came home all excited one day and said, “A long long time ago when my teacher was in high school, some bad people wanted to hurt people in New York and the United States so they crashed planes into these two buildings called the Towers and some people died but some people lived and I’m happy they lived cause those bad people were butt-faces…” His story went on, but I couldn’t get passed that. “Wait, wait, wait. Your teacher was in high school during 9/11?” Damn! I mean, she seems like a really nice teacher, but what happened to having a nice hateful crotchety old teacher who’d been through two world wars and a depression? My first grade teacher was scary as hell and even had the best name. Mrs. Jinks! You didn’t fuck with Mrs. Jinks.  She taught and you learned. Case closed. She was 157-years-old and could chase down and tackle any 7-year-old with a smart mouth! She wore dresses that made Barbara Bush look like a whore and jewelry that made Elizabeth Taylor look like a cheap whore! And she smelled good. I remember that. Actually she wasn’t so bad. Years and years later…after I’d graduated high school…I was at the Fairfield Commons and saw Mrs. Jinks being pushed around in a wheel chair. It made me a little sad, but I was happy to see the old broad was still out and about. She had moxie!

Anyways, the other two kids are doing great, too. Jack has learned the value of a loud and constant growl. Laurie has learned to mimic the “ah-hem” cough I make every time I catch her in an act of mischievousness. Steven is fantastic as always, and the dog is recovering from another surgery. This time it was a hematoma. That word just cracks me up. The dog doesn’t seem to think it’s all that funny though.

And that was September. See, I wasn’t too busy to blog…just too lazy I guess. Now bring on the fall! The pumpkins and mums and cool nights by the fire. Apple cider and pies and Halloween! Cinnamon sticks and leaves and laughing through hay rides! It’s the most wonderful time of the year, people! I might not get much blogging done this month either.

Thanks for reading!

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One thought on “September on my Mind

  1. That’s so funny, because when I got to the sentence that your son’s teacher was in highschool when 9/11 happened, my mind when to (what the hell?) I was in college when that happened. How old is this teacher?!

    But I digress. Glad to see you out and about, and congrats on the book. That is an achievement within itself.

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