Happy Halloween, Kittens! In honor of this most devilish holidays, I thought I’d share one of my most favorite Urban Legends. This story scared the crap outta me when I was little…and I loved it! Since hearing it for the first time when I was…I dunno…8-years-old, maybe…I’ve heard it told a couple different ways. I’m going to tell it how I remember it. Sweet Reads, my lovelies. Mwahahahaha!
It must have been 60 years ago. Halloween night, if you can believe that. They say, back then, it was safe. People didn’t lock their doors. Maybe they should have. Patty Lowery definitely should have. See, she was alone. Her parents went away for the week to celebrate their 20 year wedding anniversary. God, she was so embarrassed. Whose parents do that? No ones that she knew, but then again her parents had always been pretty…different. Anyways, as embarrassed as she was, she was still excited to be all alone in the big Victorian home. All alone with James, that is. They’d been going steady for six months and, after speaking with the new (and very liberal) nurse at Dr. Wyatts office, she decided it was time to go all the way. Tonight. Halloween night.
He came over just in time to start greeting trick-or-treaters. In between passing out candy, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. His hands on her waist. DING-DONG! Her arms around his neck. DING-DONG! His hands on her tits. DING-DONG, DING DONG, DING-DONG! By the time all the little beggars were home unwrapping Hershey Bars, Patty and James were practically unwrapping each other.
And I guess that’s another mistake she made. For had she not invited James over, she might have locked the door sharply at 8pm. If she hadn’t lead him upstairs to her room, she might have turned on the t.v. and ate the left over candies. If she hadn’t let him put his hands up her skirt, she might have heard the news about the Psych Ward…about the man that escaped..about his weird…habits. But she didn’t.
30 minutes later, she watched James zip up and leave. He just…left. She lied in bed, sobbing her pretty blue eyes out, regretting giving her virginity to that smug bastard. She felt so very very alone. But, she wasn’t alone. Duke was by her side. Duke had been her most trustworthy friend since…well, she was a kid and he was a puppy…so for most of their lives. And as she wept into her pillow, good ol’ Duke would lick her hand and pant into her ear.
When she thought about how painful it was, and how James was so insensitive, she’d dangle her fingers over the side of the bed and Duke would lick them and breath into her palm. It calmed her.
She remembered the look on James face as he frantically searched for his slacks only minutes after it was over. How he wouldn’t look at her while he told her he had a nice time and would call her in the morning. Once again she cried, and once again she was comforted by Duke’s kiss on her hand.
Eventually she fell asleep. But not for long. Something woke her. What was it?
She tried to ignore it. Rolled over and threw the pillow on her head. Duke was still on the floor next to her, breathing steadily the way he always did when he was in a deep sleep. But now his breathing was bothering her. His breathing and the ping…ping…ping…
“Duke!”, she snapped, “go to Mama’s room. You’re driving me nuts.” He woke up and wrestled around with the blanket on the floor, but she told him once again, “Go on, Duke. To Mama’s room. Scoot!”, and she let him lick her hand before he shuffled out of the room and down the hall.
She hoped that would be enough, but it wasn’t. Still, from her private bathroom, came the ping…ping…ping…
She thought she would go mad by morning. She threw back the blankets and stomped into the bathroom. Without turning on the lights, she checked the faucet at the sink. No dripping. She checked the faucet in the bathtub and found the leak. But as hard as she turned the knobs, the dripping would not stop.
So she turned on the light.
And realized the dripping was coming from Duke. He was hanging upside down in the shower by his tail. His stomach had been sliced open and his fur was soaked in blood. It smacked the metal water stopper…Ping! Ping! Ping!
Patty didn’t scream. She couldn’t. Cause what she saw next was even worse than good ol’ Duke swinging from the shower head. Written in blood, in the mirror above the sink, someone had scrawled
MANIACS LICK HANDS TOO
Boo! Have a Happy Halloween y’all!