Humor · kids · Marriage · Motherhood · parenting · SAHM

F#!%ing Flu!

Not everyone can say they know the exact moment they got the flu-bug.

I had been looking forward to Friday all week. More so than usual. Tommy would be at school and Laurie was going to be visiting her other mom so it would be just Jack and me for 7 whole hours. Plenty of time to get SO much done. I had my list ready, and I was SO pumped!


Then, about 2 seconds into digging out Tommy’s closet, Jack began to fuss. Odd for him, cause he’s such a mellow baby. Usually when we’re in Tommy’s room, he just hangs out, finds a car to munch on, crawls around, ya know, just baby stuff. But this time he was obviously upset. I picked him up and he was HOT! The thermometer read 101.1!  It was time to begin Operation F#!%ing Flu;  Stock up on  Motrin to keep the fever down, keep him hydrated, don’t worry if he doesn’t want to eat food, if his breathing is shallow or erratic or his temperature gets above 102 degrees call the doctor. Alright. I can do this.

Jack was down for a couple of days. Nothing too scary happened, but those nights I spent in the rocking chair, nodding in and out, were the worst. Then finally it seemed the end was near. His fever passed and those flu aches and pains on his little body just stopped. Too bad I couldn’t say that for his little nose. Not even the Benadryl could get it to slow down.

Which brings me to Sunday. We snuggled together on the couch, watching the 2 older kids wrestle and chase each other. Jack was rocking back and forth as if he wanted to get down there and mix it up with them.

“Sorry baby. Maybe in a couple of days.”

He turned at the sound of my voice and gave me the sweetest, snottiest smile ever. I grabbed a tissue to wipe away the oozing slime, but before I could, Jack decided he wanted to give Mommy a kiss…right on my mouth.


Steven walked in a minute later. “Were you just yelling at the kids?”

“No.” I said, still wiping my mouth off with a hot wash cloth, “You heard me freaking out. Jack decided to rub a wet sticky booger on my bottom lip!”

Steven looked horrified and began gagging. He hasn’t kissed me on the mouth since!

And that’s it. That’s when I got the flu. I know this because only hours later I was under 4 blankets with my body freezing and my head sweating. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t see straight and all I wanted was someone to hit me in the face with a hammer or get me an ice-cold Sprite.

It’s been a week and I still feel crappy…just not hit-me-in-the-face-with-a-hammer crappy. I’ll let you know when things go back to norm. I’m guessing it will be May.

Thanks for reading!


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