It takes approximately 12 minutes to get home from my in-law’s house. This is part of a conversation I had last week with my 7-year-old during those 12 minutes.
Mom, what’s it called when a man puts his tongue in a woman’s mouth and a woman puts her tongue in a mans mouth?
Well…that is a type of kissing. French kissing.
Do you and Daddy do French kissing?
well…not as much as we used to…
doesn’t that spread GERMS?
Yes. Yes it does.
Am I allowed to kiss my girlfriend?
You have a girlfriend?
Duh! Alissa from church.
Don’t say duh. Isn’t she twice your age?
I don’t care. I love her.
So can I kiss her?
Because you’re too young for kissing.
So when will I be just the right age?
Well…you’re not allowed to date until you’re 16 so I guess you can kiss after that. But no french kissing.
Don’t call me Butt Mom! Anyways, kissing gets you nuttin’ but trouble?
Well…let’s say you’re at your girlfriends house and you’re so busy kissing you forget to check the clock. So you get home late. That will get you in trouble.
Okay, but what if I’m kissing at my girlfriends house and I leave on time, but then I’m late because there’s lots of traffic?
See, Mommy knows that you can get anywhere in town within 20 minutes even when they close off downtown for stuff so as long as you leave 20 minutes early you can get home on time. And you are WAY too young to be thinking these sort of things up already. Can we talk about something else, please ?
Can you tell me again how Daddy’s swerms found your egg?
Wanna listen to the radio?
I’m just happy you and Daddy had the sex so you could have me.
And we’re home! Get out.
It was the longest 12 minutes of my life.