Humor · kids · Marriage · Motherhood · parenting

Counting My Blessings?

August 2013 359

There are exactly 2 children, 1 baby, 2 adults, 3 fish, and a dog living in this house. So can someone please explain to me why there are 13 toothbrushes in the cup on the bathroom sink?

I counted 15 shoes laying around the house this morning. Which means 1) my family has no idea what a closet is, and 2) Next time I’m running late for an appointment, someone is going to moan, “I can’t find my other shoe.”

We have 3 million toys. And I’m not counting any of mine or my husbands! Three million!  All over my house. Toppling over in corners, poking out of cabinets, hiding under the couch, the beds, the rugs! If you can take 6 steps in  my house without hitting a toy, you win a prize! Take the closest toy to you. It’s yours! Yay!

August 2013 364

Is it just the children? Of course not. Where do you think they learned this hoarding behavior from? Their father! The man owns 72 translucent high school football t-shirts. “They’re my work shirts.” My ass. Fish tanks? 3.

1 has 2 fish,

1 has 1,

and the other great big one,

it has none.

Cars? Cars are important. We need them to get from here to there and all that. But he owns 2 that can’t hold the entire family and 2 more that don’t run at all!  And if you’re going to have all these cars, you’re gonna need magazines about how to service them.  He has 519. Each one has at least one vital paragraph about vehicular care that he would NEVER be able to find via Google!

August 2013 362(and these are just the ones found on the bedroom floor!)

You would think that this would teach me a lesson. That I would be a minimalist or something. But I’m not. They’ve made me just like them! I own 47 journals. 92 scrapbooks. 19 cameras (only one works) and 21 bottles of partially used body lotions. If you look in my cabinets, you’ll find 12 containers of instant coffee (I just don’t wanna run out!), and 7 cans of Pam. I’ve also collected over the years 7,210 pencils. And you know how many are #2’s? Not a single solitary one. I tried sending Tommy to school with one of my pencils and the teacher sent it back with a note:

Dear Tommy’s Mom,

Please do not send your children to school with these shitty pencils. #2’s are on sale at Wal-mart for $.97.

Looking forward to a great year!


Tommy’s Pain-in-the-Ass Teacher

Even the fish have too much shit! There are 9 bags of various fish pellets and flakes and worms and vitamins laying on my table.  3 special thermometers, 2 packs of water testing strips, 6 special hoses for God only knows what. Seriously?  You’re fish!

The dog is the only decent one in this house. He has 1 bowl for food, 1 bowl for water, one container of food, and one bag of chewy snacky sticks. Oh,  and 3 toys he never gets to play with cause the kids are playing with them instead of one of their 3 million toys!

I think it’s time to clean house.


6 thoughts on “Counting My Blessings?

  1. Oh you sound stressed LOL …that’s a lot of things. My motto in the house is if you don’t use it it must go to the donation bin. I take it to the local goodwill store every 2-3 months. If I let my kids bring and keep everything they want my house would be the same. Good luck on the house cleaning!

    1. Not so much stressed as overwhelmed. I go through this every Fall. It’s like over the summer we collect/hoard waaaay to much stuff. Then when school starts BOOM! Where did this all come from!?!? But, been spending my days workin’ away. Thanks for the advice!

  2. This is brilliant rachel! I’ll help you eliminate stuff! I’m great at that! But I’m also guilty of hoarding certain belongings….new books when I’m not a huge reader, magazines I never read but I hope to one day for their awesome ideas and recipes, hallmark Xmas ornaments when I hate Xmas….that’s pretty much my weird hoarding! Lol

  3. I have a philosophy that if its not used in 6 months…I donate/throw away. Some things get 1 year of life in my house! Now jenny has a pair of underwear from when she was a lil girl! She’s 30!!! She can’t part with it! I said really jenny!?!?! You’re going to let your kids wear this? I don’t think so! Its because it belong to her or I when our parents were alive. Even their belongings i keep a minimal amount in a box and that’s it.

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