Humor · Motherhood · parenting · SAHM

Oh, Get Over Yourself!

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I’m so over picture perfect parenting posts on social media.

“Began my day sweating out at Crossfit at 4am. Made homemade gluten-free Acai  berry muffins before taking the kids to feed the poor at our local homeless shelter. Then hiking at the Nature preserve where we picnicked and mentally categorized the diverse birds flying overhead. Got home and finished chores, including that endless laundry pile…grrr…while the kids quietly read books that are 3 grades above their reading level. Hubby came home with a bottle of wine and a dozen roses! Told me he was taking me out for the night! Had the most amazing dinner at the most amazing restaurant. When we got home, the kids were in bed so I stayed up all night to get lucky. (blushing smiley face with devil horns) #lovemylife.”

Really? Really? That’s how your day went? Are you freakin’ kidding me? Here’s what I’d have to say.

“Let the kids watch 6 hours of Nickelodeon so I could get the house cleaned up. Gave up though when I realized I couldn’t keep up with the tornado known as Jack. Pushed Laurie on the swing for 3 hours while Tommy dug giant holes near the house’s foundation and Jack ate his weight in sand. Got a 3rd degree sunburn on my shoulders and won’t be able to move for a month, but at least I sweated off the 5 cookies I managed to scarf down for lunch. Ordered pizza for dinner AGAIN, this time because I forgot to plug-in the crock-pot at 7am when I stuck the meat in. Then bath time, snack time, book time, and bed time. Went to kiss my husband goodnight and said, “oh…how was your day, Dear?” He laughed and passed-out mid-sentence. (unimpressed smiley face with a glass of vodka)  #whohastimefortwitter.”

Seriously, take your Acai Berries and shove’em up your hashtag.

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