blogging · creative writing · Humor

Writer’s Cock Block

I can no longer write outside.

A few weeks ago I was working on a story that wasn’t quite coming together. I had a great plot and the characters were there, but the story was not. I paused to think of another word for vomit (I went with retched), and when I looked up, I saw this. October2014 152

Do you see it?

October2014 151

That tree has a penis. Sure it’s in the wrong spot and it doesn’t look very happy, but it most definitely is a penis.

I laughed to myself, “A Tree-nis!” and then, “Wow, Rachel. You seriously need to grow up.” I got back to my writing, only to find that the tree-nis had sucked up every ounce of my creative flow.

I had forgotten all about the woody woody until the next day when it interrupted a book I was reading.

And again the day after that when I stopped painting to stretch my neck and got an eyeful of bark schlong.

Yesterday I was out there, working on that same story, when I just looked at it. Like it was the most natural thing in the world to be checking out a tree-dong. As if it were a sunset or full moon or anything other than a tree-nis. I think there might be something wrong with me.

I should yell to my neighbor, “Hey! Is your tree going as a dick for Halloween?!”

Or maybe cut my rose bush into the shape of breasts and scream across the street, “Check out my rose boobs. How do you like that? Perverts!” Maybe she’d take care of it. Maybe she’d call the police.

I should probably stop using the tree-nis as an excuse, turn my chair the other direction, and write. Now there’s an idea. Turn my writers block into a child’s bed-time story. Though, at this point I might end up writing something like “The Sticky Misadventures of Limb Willy and the Tree-nis.”

Crap.

Thanks for stopping by.

 

 

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Writer’s Cock Block

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s