To My Loving Children,
I regret to inform you that the Kitchen staff (me) will no longer be preparing Peanut-butter and Jelly Sandwiches. Your last chance to order one will be April 30th, 2015.
This decision did not come easily, and please know that I did take into consideration your love of the Peanut-butter and Jelly sandwich. At one time, I loved it too. But I’ve realized that I have made this particular sandwich at least once nearly every single day for the past 7 years. That means everyday I’d pray we hadn’t run out of bread. Everyday, I’d get sticky fingers from the ingredients. Everyday I’d have to scrub the peanut butter off the knife, which is kind of a pain in the butt. And these things have gotten to me. The fact is, you do not deserve an even slightly restless sandwich maker.
Thank you for allowing me to make these sandwiches for the past 7 years. I know it doesn’t seem fair to a few of you who might have only enjoyed them 1 or 2 years, but I truly believe one day you’ll thank me for it.
At this time, I would like to suggest replacements such as bologna with cheese, ham and mayo, turkey with mustard. I could also add lettuce, pickles, tomato. Have any of you ever tried Pickle Loaf or Egg Salad? I think you’ll agree with me, the possibilities are endless, and we should not be limiting our palates! You have entrusted me with preparing your meals for so long, I hope you’ll continue to believe in my decisions after the peanut-butter and the jelly are gone.
Please be assured that I will continue to prepare the best freakin’ pb&j’s before April 30th. And I will greatly appreciate your compliance on May 1st, 2015.
Lunch Preparer Extraordinaire