Some asshole got a hold of my credit card number. This has happened before, a long long time ago, but this time it was especially painful because I had literally just watched the movie Identity Thief. It’s a fun movie. Not to mention, I’m secretly (not so secretly) in love with Jason Bateman, and I think Melissa McCarthy would be my bestie if she had any idea who I was. The movie is way way funnier than actually having <insert credit card company> call you and say, “Hey, did you just spend $800 on Itunes?”
“And did you recently buy 2 plane tickets through Jet Blue at $1000?”
“Oh, well that explains why they needed to order all that music. No, I did not.”
“Have you recently made purchases at a big fish and outdoor supplier?”
“Who the hell is this person? No, I did not.”
“And finally, did you recently place an order for Dominoes totaling $31.50?”
“What kind of sick fu…no, I didn’t. And it disgusts me that someone would use my card and my name for something so grotesque.”
The<insert credit card company> operator took care of all the charges, cancelled my account, and shipped me out a new card. Besides being associated with Dominoes, it was pretty painless.
I should say, painless until I was bored the other night and tried to buy a new book before my new credit card arrived. DENIED! And then again when I heard that new song from The Weekend and tried to buy it from Itunes. STILL DENIED, DUMMY!
I got my new card today and I gotta say, I feel whole again. Probably not as whole as that douche bag enjoying a fishing expedition in the Philipines, but, ya know…whole.
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